Attachment vs Connection

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In Buddhism, it is said that it is our attachment to things that causes our suffering. Our attachment to outcome, personal belongings, our past, our bodies, anything that is outside of us. Anytime we feel suffering we can look at what may be causing it and directly trace it to an attachment to something. For example, is it the loss of a job that causes suffering or is it the attachment to the money, security and things the job can bring? Exactly, now lets talk about it ..

There's relationship advice out there that is centered around getting your needs met by your partner. While some needs are reasonable, I feel with a deeply connected relationship your needs will be fulfilled automatically and effortlessly.

For example, you may have a need to see your partner every day or that they call or text you consistently several times a day and if he misses a good morning text, you feel a panic and anxiousness. If a day or so goes by and you don’t see them, you feel pain and worry. You may also feel you need more time with them and find yourself communicating this need over and over, yet it’s never being fulfilled.

If you have to communicate your needs to your partner, you may not be emotionally connected to them but more connected to your idea of a relationship. If you have a deep connection, your needs will already be met, otherwise you really aren’t connected. Why would you be in or stay in a relationship when your needs aren’t met? Connection deepens when your needs are already beginning to be met, not the other way around. If you were truly connected, you wouldn’t experience fear, you'd trust that connection when your partner isn’t present or in your reach at all times. Bells would not ring in your head if they don't call you or can’t see you if you are connected.

Inevitably though, one may think its normal instinct to find love in a form of relationship and attachment when in reality what we truly want is connection. We want to be able to find people we are able to be our truest selves around and share our darkest thoughts without feeling judged. We want to be judged fairly by our soul and not out behavior.

Attachment is Selfish

Attachments come from a place of trying to fill a void, it’s an unhealthy emotional need for someone else to behave a certain way in order to make you happy. I run into woman who attach hard and fast and often the first to declare themselves selfless and generous when in reality most give to seek control.

Most seek acceptance, love, and approval by doing in a relationship instead of just being. One will do so much in an attempt to avoid rejection, in hopes of having their deepest needs met by someone else.

Although it looks like we are selfless with all our doing and giving, in unhealthy attachments it’s the total opposite. It’s all about what he/she can or can’t do that makes you happy. Putting this expectation on another person is selfish, when you are coming from a place of trying to get something there is no room for real connection.

Connection is freeing as F---

Relationships form and grow when connections flow over time without expectations or projections.

Relationships do not create connection, connection creates relationships and not all connections turn into relationships. Accepting this really is freeing (trust me on this one).

Connections happen when we throw away the rule book, be ourselves and lead the path we want to walk. Just think of one of your best friends, you can go years without seeing each other but the connection never fades. Opportunities for connections are endless if we can let go and just be. The less attachments you have, the more connections will organically flow into your life. You have to become more open to experiences and not outcomes. When you experience connections without attachments, you will start to feel the ultimate freedom.

Besides being hardwired for connection we’re also energetically connected. It’s a connection that runs deep at a soul level. We’re connected in ways that scientists can’t explain. Universally we are all connected to one another. Connection is heart-centered, attachment is mind based.

Signs you are attached and not connected:

- You enjoy each others company but your conversations lack depth

- you don't want them, you NEED them

- You feel you are not good for them

- You keep negotiating your boundaries

- You turn to your friends and family for emotional support instead of your partner

Ask yourself, are you connected or attached in your relationship?

If your feeling disconnected from your partner try some of my Eucalyptus massage and body oil during your intimate time to regain that connection!

Enjoy the rest of your week friends