Accountability In Relationships

Okay, I can't "sugar coat" this week - in fact, I don't think I can sugar coat anymore of my blogs - I have been holding back (for many reasons but I can assure you, I'm done). As I am typing this I'm asking myself why accountability is so hard for me to accept sometimes (okay, most of the time). Honestly, I think it's because my intent is never malicious and I'm a Capricorn, we hate being wrong.

Accountability can be defined as “An obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions” (Webster), and/or as “Acknowledgment and assumption of responsibility for actions (Wikipedia). In my opinion, accountable relationships are relationships that produce the intended results and consistently improve over time. Taking accountability creates trust and dependability. When you take responsibility for your behaviors, you demonstrate to your partner/friend your willingness to be honest and vulnerable, which in turn encourages them to do the same for you.

I have learned a lot about myself this past year. Being willing to accept that everyone makes mistakes, we learn how to take responsibility and grow. I have come to the realization that some of my behaviors are unhealthy, and I am choosing to take responsibility for it. I tend to forget people are human and we all make mistakes. I have this trait of not allowing people to make mistakes in my life - the smallest mistake with me will get you cut off (yeah, its my abandonment issues, I know), but I told myself I no longer want to be that girl. I want to have hard conversations with the people I love now, I want to be able to come to a mutual understanding in order for my relationships to grow (peep the accountability there😉) .

Accountability in relationships mean welcoming the hungry, irritable, depressed and broken versions of your partner. In our romantic relationships we may focus more on our needs and expectations opposed to the needs of our partner. This one-sided way of thinking can create turmoil and many other unhealthy habits within the union. You have to accept others wholeheartedly, if you want to be accepted fully. Loving your partner when they’re only in tip top shape is the opposite of relationship accountability. Love is waking up everyday and making the decision to be alongside this person, regardless of what version of them you may receive that day.

Relationships as an adult requires understanding, compassion and empathy. Loving someone can be one of the most profound things we do in this lifetime. Learning how to "mesh" with another person is not easy. There are times we will fall short because we are human, and have human experiences. There are also times we realize how much someone impacts our lives for the better. For the ultimate foundation when building healthy relationships (filled with accountability of course), we must learn how to forgive and hold space. We have to learn tenderness, and what it is to embrace someone's nature. It’s imperative that we maintain clear boundaries, learn how to be responsible for our actions, and build security when growth is the goal.

Friendships also require accountability, simply because we choose our friends. Although friendships require “less work” than romantic relationships, there’s still a need for devotion. Your friends are your chosen family, and people who are sharing your life with you. Friendship bonds are what save you when your romantic relationship is failing. Friendships are that unwavering support that could last a lifetime, but has to be primed. Knowing how and when to apologize in friendships goes a long way. Being genuine and respectful is the foundation of accountability within your friendships. Friends can feel when we are present, presence is accountability!

Accountability in relationships and friendships looks like putting your happiness first. The moment you begin to neglect who you are, the more unhealthy your relationships will get. Prioritizing your own peace and enjoyment will help create stronger bonds in your life. The way to spread positivity to those in your life is to create it within you first. If you are always trying to satisfy those around you, you will run out of energy to keep yourself happy! I am not sure if it's because I am getting older, but I am realizing the significance of every relationship as well as realizing not everyone is replaceable. When we care, we have to show it, and when we miscommunicate we must take responsibility!

Ways to help build accountable relationships:

1. Allow healthy feedback from your friend/partner

2. Set mutually agreed upon expectations

3. Have confidence in yourself

4. Practice self awareness

5. Be honest